Thoughts,Songs,Writings,Rants,Encouragements, and Life

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


(A few thoughts that are scrambled at best, by a young man searcing for answers. Tyring to process through a few things. By no means should any of the proceeding remarks be taken as authorative.)

Thanks to a recent post by Terry I have been thinking about suicide a little bit more than usual. Suicide to me seems pathetic. The thought of it really shows how incomprehendable we are of God adn all He has done and provided for us.

Why would anyone wish to end their life?

What puts you in the perspective of my life is not worth living?

And how can immediate and deliberate death be a good answer to the problems you might be facing?

There was a period in my own life where suicide crossed my mind a couple of times. I was unable to commit to the deed each time the thought or plan was made though. I used to say it was because I was a wuss(this is very true though). But now I see it a bit differently. When processing through the desperation of wanting to take my own life, I came to a couple of conclusions.

a. I was searching and not finding
b. I was alone and longing to be loved

But why did I have this overwhelming emotion to end my God breathed life? Was I really so dissatisfied with my life that I was willing to choose death, (and most certainly space, seperation and void) over a life of fulfillment, joy, and protection?

The truth is I was sticking my middle finger to Christ and giving him a B.A. in "thanks for nothing!" I was seperated from something or someone that I knew I needed and connected with. I just wasn't able to do the paint by numbers as well as other people. I knew however that ending life itself, would have only made my problem far worse. For if I don't believe in God, then I would cease to exist on the moment of my exit of this world.

I came to a realization of how God has given us much to live and appreciate here on earth. He has given us free will. He provides us everything and is in un-competed control! He is the reason for living.

When suicide comes into the picture, disatisfaction with Christ and what He is doing in our lives is on the top of the "Clues for Dissatisfaction" list. It shows how untrusting, unworthy, and unfaithful we are. We are incapable of handling the situation. And logic would prove that we need to lean and depend on Christ, but so many do not. If we can't handle what He has imparted to us here on earth, whats to say that we will EVER be able to handle heaven, let alone Christ Himself.

If we are incapable of trusting Him with our lives now, why should He trust us later? Suicide is merely an escape from where God has placed us. It is a fatal blow to any hope we had/have in Christ. I can't help but think of suicide as a sin which completely severes ones possibilities of a relationship with Christ. And if there was a "previous" relationship, where does that stand or what does it look like after the action is commited? Is suicide ever justified? I really can't believe hat in any situation it is permissable, but who am I to judge or make these decisions?

In conclusion I realize that I am not a wuss for stearing clear of the suicide bandwagon. I am wise to believe and trust that Christ has everything under control. As long as I am faithful to Him, my doubts, fears, and questions will at some point be settled.But if I seperate my "life" from Christ, I truly have nothing at all. I am grateful to be considered a child of God. I am even more grateful that He considers my life worth living...

Thoughts, Comments, Suggestions...All ARE Welcome


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, you make some good points, and it's very easy when you are in a good place & confident in your relationship with God to say those things. But when you are in the grip of despair, and blinded by the lies the Enemy has thrown at you, it is a very different matter. So yeah, some good stuff, but don't be too quick to judge those who have contemplated it. And just be there for those when they are in the midst of it. Sometimes you just need a hand to hold to keep you from going over the edge - and God provides that in our friends.


9:48 PM

Blogger wasmachstdugern said...

i see your reasoning, but it is solely from a christian viewpoint. there are many that dont think there is the christ figure to save them. what about those people? doesnt suicide make some sense?

8:13 PM

Blogger Benjamin said...

The only way I could see it making sense for a non-believer, is if they are totally cool with not existing. I don't know about you, but I am not capable of imagining life All suicide would do in the non-believers case is bring them closer to a seperation from Christ. If they were searching or longing for something...the gap would only be wider at that point.

Sidenote: when I was contemplating suicide...I did not believe that their truly was a Christ figure...but I came to the point where I was aware that there was a God and that suicide in itself self solves nothing...just improves the lack of understanding and causes more grief than anything else.

make sense??

9:13 PM


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