-Break in the cup-

An excerpt from-Break in the cup-
David Wilcox-Big Horizon

I guess you cannot make me happy
That's a money back guarantee.
But you can pour yourself out 'til you're empty
Trying to be just who I'd want you to be.
You cannot make me happy
It's just the law of gravity
And that break in the cup that holds love,
inside of me

We cannot trade empty for empty
We must go to the waterfall
For there's a break in the cup that holds love,
A break in the cup that holds love.
Inside us all, inside us all

Here is the deal folks...

Today I jumped off a waterfall...I faced my fears. I faced a culture and a world of the unknown. Now some of you are getting quite sick with me and my romanticism. Some of you do not believe that one should be this open with his own emotions and thoughts. But I do not mind sharing my experiences and things learned from them...

Back to the waterfall. I jumped. And like I feared...I landed!! Yep, I landed...but folks, in the previous post I forgot to mention that there is a third thing that can happen when we cliff jump. A third thing that could quite possibly be more amazing and beautiful than the relationship and definitely better than being skewered by the hidden rocks. I found that there is a certain coolness and new found freedom in jumping. I found myself jumping into a new stage of a friendship today.

Crazy huh? No, that should not say relationship, it reads right with Friendship. And this friendship is something that has not happened before. By all of the girls (there were many) that rejected me...and the many times I picked my self up...dusted myself off and began praying, seeking, and looking again. I found a True Friend today. Some of you think this is nothing new. You know me...you know how I think...feel and react to things that come my way. The friendship got better once I opened myself up for pain and rejection. I can honestly say that now that everything is out in the open and out of the way. (Thanks David Wilcox for a great song to help me see this...now I understand it) I now know that everything is better. We have nothing to hide. The understanding is there...there is truth there...nothing to hide, nothing to fake, and nothing to regret. I am so freakin' excited right now!!!! REALLY this is not male ego speaking...I am FREE. I set myself up for failure from the beginning...and found myself refreshed and on a level I have never been on before, with a friend who is a girl.

Now let's talk about the song above. I have always been attracted to this song. This song is depressing, but also reveals so much about the human condition and his relationship with man and his Father in heaven. If you get a chance...you can get the whole song off of David Wilcox’s site. (I recommend you read it, but I did not believe it wholly applied to this situation. although it might, but then again no.)

WE as humans search this world so long for love and longing and desire and fulfillment and contentment. And for me, I am at the point in my life where I want a Wife...and hopefully soon. I am tired of living alone and well... (we really don’t need to go into this. it will waste space and you will see me way too vulnerable) I realize though, that I often forget the Love that I have in Christ and the Love that He has prepared for me that will one day blow me away...and actually feel the need to give everything She has to me and Christ...as I hope to do for Her as well.

The song above proves that we as humans cannot fill the empty inside...Crystal may have been able to do that...but for how long? A woman can only be so much for a man...God has to be there too. And that is why, right now I thank God for Crystal and who she is...and what she means to me. She is an outstanding friend, so much so that I fell for her...but this was not to be...and it can and could not fill that void...The waterfall of Christ is the only thing that can fill the break in my cup (soul) He is the only thing that I can run to who is always constant and ready to flow and run through my life. So today I found that again...the intimacy I long for is still from Christ...

...But a Wife would be appreciated too Lord....